A new sort of Legomance
by ThurinRanger
Summary: FORMATTING FIXED, IT IS NOW READABLE :) Alright, this is a very silly little Legomance, not cliche, meant to amuse. Summary: When our stunning prince goes for a stroll in the woods with some companions, things go very wrong. Masks are ripped off, Gimli's identity is mistaken, Aragorn distributes comfort food, and Tauriel is invented. DISCLAIMER: I own nothing! Honest! ONESHOT


**DISCLAIMER: me own it not, also, me knows that orcen isn't a word, but me be using it anyway, :E**

**PG for mild thingses, but yeah, 'tis pretty fine, :)))**

**PLEASE REVIEW! **

Once upon a time there was a very handsome elf named Legolas Thranduillion, prince of Mirkwood. He was stunning in every aspect, delighting the eyes of every elven maid he came across. He also delighted the eyes of every orcen maid he came across.

This is the tale of the tragic love of Legolas Thranduillion, prince of Mirkwood, and a lovely orc maid, yet to be named.

It all started on a dreary, foggy day in Mirkwood. Legolas called to his almost equally stunning friends before grabbing his bow and arrows and leading them into the depths of Greenwood(actually called Mirkwood, and for a good reason, but the elves won't tell you that!)

The company traipsed through their woodland realm, enjoying the murky air and the constant threat of a spider down their shirts, when suddenly they heard the hideous shouts of orcs raining down upon them. Though caught unawares, the elven garrison grabbed their arms and defended themselves in seconds.

Suddenly, in the heat of battle, all the fearsome supposedly-male orcs ripped off their hideous prosthetic masks and revealed themselves to be a band of attractively ugly orc-maids.

Legolas froze in shock, but his entire elf garrison ripped off their own masks in retaliation, showing themselves as they really were: stunning elf-maids.

All the female warriors emitted furious shrieks as they charged one another, and Legolas realized, all too late, that this was a battle over his person.

Legolas screamed a manly scream before hurrying off as fast as his long attractive elven legs could carry him through the forest. Suddenly his eye caught that of a very beautiful(in a rather ugly way) orc maid.

In that one moment, Legolas was in love.

And then that moment of love was terribly broken, as Legolas was grabbed by his hair and dragged into a presiding bush and out of the way, right before he could get trampled to death by the female fan-girling mob.

"Your welcome, Mellon nin." Legolas' best friend, Aragorn son of Arathorn smiled, loosening his grip on his friend's blonde hair.

"YOUR WELCOME?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? I WAS IN LOVE, MAN!" Legolas shrieked in fury, struggling against Aragorn's suddenly stronger arms as he tried to escape and run after the horde.

"Come on Mellon, let's go home." Aragorn smiled knowingly, dragging his distraught companion back to the king, Legolas' father, for a warm bath, fuzzy pajamas, and comfort food to help him get over his sad, lovesick feelings.

But Legolas never got over his sad, lovesick feelings.

Ever since that day he was grim, and barely ever smiled, very different from the flirty days and nights of his younger years.

Aragorn thought the maid his friend had fancied was Tauriel, one of the throng. That is why Peter Jackson included an epic tragic love-story between the two, because Aragorn bribed him as an extra tease for his friend.

But Aragorn was wrong. Nobody new the true cause of his woes except Legolas himself, sadly pining for his lost orc-maid.

And that is why Legolas never falls for anyone in The Lord of the Rings, and only really hangs out with Gimli, because for I while there Legolas was convinced that he was her; but then Aragorn pointed out that Gimli is indeed a dwarf, and Legolas sighed heavily before going off in search of her again.

And that is why Legolas only ever really shoots arrows, because he doesn't want to know if he slays her.

The moral of this story is:

Men: do not collect an entourage of male friends, for they will hinder you in your romantic efforts, will tease you, and will somehow be responsible for the existence of overly-bashed Mary-sues in Peter Jackson's films.

Women: The way to win Legolas' heart is to catch his eye, in an orcish way, apparently. Also, if you do succeed in making him fall in love with you, do go and find him so that you may ease his separation pain, please.

~fin~

**It is rumored that Aragorn, guilty from hurting his friend, went and found the orc-maid after the war of the ring and returned her to his friend, but nobody is sure. Legolas may just have settled for Gimli and forlornly sailed into the west, casting aside all hopes of an orcish wedding, but again, nobody is exactly sure.**

**Thank you for reading! PLEASE REVIEW! :DDD**

**ok, all those who read, review, favorite and follow 'A Ranger of the Woods', I am truly sorry. I just came up with this idea this morning, and loved it too much not to write down, :( But a new chappie of Thurin's story will be up soon! Promise!**

**Hannon le for reading this stupid silly little goose of a ficlet,**

**~Thurin**


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